Ever thought what life would be like if it went exactly the way we wanted it to? Would it be perfect or far from perfect? More over what is it exactly we want our life to be like? It’s a question that has been coming to my mind for the past couple of weeks and I can’t come to a definite answer for it for myself. It’s completely blank in my mind and I’m standing in this road which leads this path which has two ways but the question is which one is right? Or is there even a right or wrong? One is filled with dreams of a child that I once was and the other path is the one I never really thought I’d walk down but I see myself heading towards it each day. Being a kid was easy and being the person I am today is quite harder then I realized it would be, Years ago if I fell I could cry then brush my scraped knees and run to the tender warmth arm of the mother, When I fall in my today my tears don’t seem to comfort the pain but rather add on to the hurt of the impacted fall, there is no scraped knees to leave bruises but there is the struggle of wanting to make it to the top of what I’ll consider a mountain. It’s funny but at the same time questioning how we expect things to work out in a certain way but the exact opposite the outcome turns to be. I am able to find the reflection of myself in the mirror but fail to see the person I had hoped to be… but then I also find myself accepting the person I came out to be. Absurd? Possible but I find it moving past the *what if*. And learning to grasp the truth of what has happened. Maybe it’s me just settling or it could be that maybe what I thought of was just not cut out for me? Questions *sigh* there endless and answers seem to be just not there or it could be I’m just not looking for them in the right place but either way they go un-answered. Lately when I come across new faces I think to myself did it all work out for them? Or are they another one of those faces with the restless thoughts like the one I’ve been fighting/arguing a lot with lately? Hah! The beauty of life! Words can be written in the form of feelings but feelings can’t be poured out from the soul within. That stays and keeps you tossing and turning as the days pass through. At the end is it all going to work out? The choices that have been made and that are pending to be made will they lead the way of a secure future? But I’ve been told plenty of times life has no guarantee? So is that to be my answer? Accept or shall I decline? I’ll leave that un-answered for now since I don’t think I’m pretty sure what I plan to do. If someone asked me 4 years ago how I saw my life, I’d probably give them the most fairytale answer they could imagine but if the same question was asked today this very minute it would be probably too realistic for the person asking the question more over he’d probably think I’m the oddest creature on this planet which we choose to call earth. The point of all this? Nothing! This kind of nonsense of mine usually occurs when I am given the bliss of some alone time on my own and so the crazy part of my mind begins to speak. Seeming to be enjoyable? Or has it just left you in a state of confusion? If so it’s ok! It shall fade soon. *chuckles*. I plan to master the questions I seek but first need to understand the reasoning of them, I guess thats what we call being young and not wise. I must keep falling no matter how much it tends to hurt me because that is what will hopefully teach me to rise so the wise father of mine tells me. I think that seems to be quite correct eh? Life…it sure is something. I’ll let you know when I figure it all out and if I don’t then I’ll continue trying to figure it out. But at least I know I can tell myself at the end of the day so far everything and each day has been quite an adventure and very worth while. Not many are able to say that and I’m blessed that I can.
-Syed Maria Alam
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